Ink Stains

Your Selfish Years

“The only relationship that you need to work on in your 20s is the one with yourself. Before anyone can love you for who you are, you need to love yourself. Whether it’s dinner or a movie by yourself or just a long bubble bath, don’t forget to take some me-time every now and then. Because eventually there won’t be any more couch dates with Netflix when you’re thirty and have two kids – Kali Borovic

People hear the saying “be selfish in your 20s” and take it too literal. While some are saying your 20s is when you should let loose and live life to the fullest, while leaving the real “adulting” for your 30s and up, that is actually not the idea. In actuality, it can be interpreted in two ways, one being “focus on everything that concerns bettering and making yourself happy” and the other being “live in complete disregard to the feelings and opinions of others” which is being selfish in every sense of the word. However, being selfish in your 20s has everything to do with the former, rather than the latter. The older generations are now referring to us as the “Me” generation. We are narcissistic, selfish and the list goes on.

I’m here to tell you that you can be selfish without being a complete horrible person (I’m trying not to swear). Now in the third year of the decade labeled as my selfish years, I am a true supporter of living this time selfishly. Your 20s is that time of your life when you are officially on your own. You are also solely responsible for yourself and the consequences of the decisions you choose to make,whether good or bad. Life is finally at a stage where you can’t go about as if you have lost all common sense, however you have no one to answer to but yourself. This is that time where everything that you do today, will have an effect on you and your life in the next 10-20 years.

In the past three years, I’ve learned that no one is truly looking out for you other than yourself. Family and friends will fulfill their responsibilities in your relationships, but at the end of the day they are taking care of themselves first and only you know what’s in your best interest. Do not get me wrong, your parents will probably always think that what they know is best, but be mindful that it will almost never line up with what you believe is best. This is also that point where you have to choose between words from the “wise” or your own better judgement in your decision-making. Your 20s are your years to focus on YOU. Be more selfish in all that you do. This does not mean that you may go out and make decisions that are blatantly hurting others and possibly yourself. The point is to make every decision with your own best interest in mind. Make decisions that you are not going to sit and regret in 10 years. Take chances that are gonna benefit you and better YOU as an individual.

Be more selfish with your emotions. Sometimes caring and being the “bigger person” gets tiring. This is not a free pass to be apathetic or insensitive in any sense, but you need to stop holding on to relationships that are causing you more damage than good because of “history”. Your 20s is that time in your life that you figure out who are your roots and who are the branches that must be trimmed. That person that you’ve been friends with for over a decade, who always seem to be negative about everything? or that “situationship” that you’ve been entertaining for the past four years because y’all have been down since high school, but yet homie refuses to claim you like he should by now? Yeah, let all that sh*t go! (Cut it! Cut it!)

Be selfish with the things and people who do not add to your growth as an adult. Give your time freely to anybody who you know would be willing to reciprocate that. Give your time freely to the things that are truly going to matter in the next 5-10 years of your life. Be more selfish now, more selfish than you have ever been in life. Want to learn a new language? Go for it. Want to write a book? Write that book chile. Want to learn to play the piano? You better!
Take that job across the country. Take that trip out you’ve been thinking about forever. Fill yourself up with all the knowledge that you desire and attempt all the new things you want to attempt.
Love too much or don’t love at all, the choice is all YOURS. Life for yourself.
Figure out what you want, what you like and dislike. Find out who you really are.
Figure out your emotional limits. Don’t force anything or make choices based on what others are doing or what they find best for YOUR life.

In your twenties is when you learn, change and form the person that you will become. If you aren’t selfish now and figuring yourself out, you will most likely be beginning your life at 30 rather than living it. Don’t be that 30-40 year old adult going through an identity crisis, because you didn’t take the time to find your true self. Be mindful that you are not going to have it all figured out in just 10 years, but you will have 10 years worth of experiences to know what works and does not work for you. Other people are there to teach, inspire and change us, whether good or bad, but We ought to not let them make us. so for right now in your beautiful 20s, overdose on self-love and create memories.
You don’t have to abide by a timeline, JUST DO YOU!

xoxo Curls n’ Curves

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